L to R my brothers Richard and Christopher (who I am forever grateful for) and Me.
We are never more than one grateful thought away from peace of heart.
— Brother David Steindl-Rast
This morning I woke up with a overwhelming sense of gratitude for my family. In particular, my brothers. They were both such cute, sweet babies (they are five and eight years younger than me so they will forever be babies to me:-) and somewhere along the way they have become wonderful, talented grown men. Still not sure when that happened...how time has flown.
Today and every day I can take a moment and look at this picture on my mantle, or in my heart where I carry it always, and the gratitude just rolls in. How lucky am I to have these boys in my life? Quite lucky I think, quite.
Take a moment and pause in your day. Take a deep breath. Find a picture in you pocket, or in your mind that fills your heart with gratitude.
Image via WikipediaWell, now that I have your attention!!!
In reality, my concept of God is not one that maintains that there is a "figure" out there to be angry or pleased with us. I believe in a non-dual, energetic and universal form of God. But, to each her own...
The reason for this post title is a quote I came across this morning that I really love. It is from Alice Walker, author of The Color Purple. She says:
"I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it."
I think in a way, that is very true. It is in some way an insult to the grand and glorious creation of this Universe when we, for what ever reason, fail to notice it's splendor.
And this ties in very much to our study and practice of gratitude, because gratitude is the ultimate "offering back" to the beauty and bounty that surrounds us. Taking time to notice and appreciate all that we have been given is a sacred and profound form of prayer, and one that is available to us in every moment.
So, in your day today don't fail to notice
the fragile beauty of some lingering sprig of green grass
Sitting down to eat is one of the easiest places for us to incorporate mindfulness and gratitude into our lives.
We have to eat many times a day, and so it is an ideal opportunity to take a deep breath, center our selves, and express our gratitude for the nurishment of our bodies.
An added benefit is that studies show that people who pause before eating, and eat in a calm, mindful manner, eat less, and digest what they eat much more fully. This is also a good way to heal the disjointed and unhealthy relationship many of us Westerners tend to have with food as a result of eating too fast and on the run, consuming poor quality food, and fixations with our weight and appearance.
Here is one offering for a meal time prayer from the Zen tradition known as, Gokan-no-ge, the "Five Reflections."
First, let us reflect on our own work and the effort of those who brought us this food. Second, let us be aware of the quality of our deeds as we receive this meal. Third, what is most essential is the practice of mindfulness, which helps us to transcend greed, anger and delusion. Fourth, we appreciate this food which sustains the good health of our body and mind. Fifth, in order to continue our practice for all beings we accept this offering.
The immense power of our touch cannot be underestimated. Nothing can be more soothing, comforting and healing, then then simple gesture of someone laying their hand on our back.
Touch has the ability to activate our parasympathetic nerveous system, or the "relaxation response", and this shift in feeling and body chemistry can create a little space, a little light at the end of the tunnel, for someone who is suffering. Since over 80% of our communication as human beings is non-verbal, sometimes these small, simple gestures of touch can say more completely what it is we have in our heart to express. At time words can get in the way; they seem inadequate in expresssing the enormity of your love and compassion. Touch, when offered with lovingkindness and respect, never falls short.
As a mindfulness exercise today, find a person to offer your healing touch to. Remember to be respectful in the way that you offer this, a hand on the upper back or shoulder is usually a "safe place" for most people to recieve that offering.
Also, take time to recognized and acknowledge with gratitude the loving touches that you receive. The next time you receive a hug, really experience it. Linger and let the energy from that person's heart mingle with your own. If you are feeling a bit low today and could use some healing touch, ask for it! Everyone loves to give a hug. Go up to a friend and say, "I am feeling a little sad, could you give me a hug." I promise you will be responded to with delight.
One more thought on the power of touch. If you are struggling through a difficult time in your life, or if you have hardship and trauma in your past, consider body work as a part of your healing process. The body and brain literally store these emotions and experiences. If we only process them on a mental level, through counseling or other modalities, we never fully release these samskaras, or patterns, from the body. Deep tissue massage, Reiki, Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy, and Watsu, are only a few of the body work methods that can help you to release these stored emotions and live a fully present and realized life.
Do you ever catch yourself saying the most awful things to yourself? I tune into my own inner dialogue at times, and find a terrible, critical task master has hijacked my brain! Out, out! I say.
This happens to all of us, however positive and confident we may be in our mind states, these thoughts and feelings will sometimes make their way in. A fellow yoga teacher once referred to these repetitive, negative, critical words or phrases as "Contra-Mantras." And they are just that. Negative programming that comes up and plays like a repeat of a bad TV show. What to do? Turn off the tellie! Or, at least change the channel.
When you notice these self-critical voices coming into your thought process, bring mindfulness back into your process. Stop, pause, take a deep breath. Don't try to push the thoughts away, to the contrary, embrace them. Take a good look at them. Who's voice is that? Is it really yours? Or is it an "old script" performed in the past my a critical parent, an unkind teacher, a bully, a jerk boss, etc. Sometimes even a passing comment can strike such a deep cord that it lasts a lifetime, showing up as a "contra-mantra" when something triggers our insecurity. Just examine this commentary for what it is, and then gently offer a positive mantra in replacement.
For many of us the self-critical mind talks comes from a certain level of perfectionism. While it may sound like a positive trait, studies have show time-and-time again that perfectionists not only suffer heavily as a result of their unrealistic goals for themselves and others, but actually short circuit themselves, and achieve less in the long run. It is hard to even get started when deep inside you know your goal of "perfect" is unattainable.
I came across a letter to Let Your Life Bloom blog author, Vanessa Smith, from a reader struggling with these particular issues. Vanessa gives an insightful response which includes the advice to, "release your need to release you perfectionism." You can read the rest of her response,here.
Think of it this way, one of the most widely used and effective forms of torture is to repeatedly bombard someone with certain words or phrases that "get inside their head" and change the way they think and feel. This "programming" or "brainwashing" is devastatingly effective. When you repeat in your own mind negative, even cruel words and phrases, that you would probably never dream of saying to someone else, you are doing the same thing to yourself. It is a harsh analogy, and I mean it to be, because I want you to understand how hard you are being on yourself when you do that. You are wonderful, you deserve better, regardless of what anyone has told you in the past. Let that go. Give yourself the gift of kind words, and gratitude for all the incredible things that you are.
"Everything that you can do is a gift from God. Everything that you can't do is part of the wonderful challenge and adventure of life."
Try these positive mantras, when you hear a "contra-mantra" popping into your head:
I am beautiful.
I am strong and smart.
My body is healthy and full of vital energy.
I am an excellent mother/father/brother/sister/wife/husband/friend/worker.
I deserve love and respect.
I can do anything!
My life is full of abundance.
I am calm and resourceful.
I have everything I need.
I am loved.
I am peaceful.
I am safe.
Write your own positive mantra, or affirmation. Make it a short and positive "I" statement. Repeat it to yourself throughout the day. Write it down and tape it to a mirror, or the inside of your desk. Anywhere you can quickly access it when your need to counteract a "contra-mantra".
May you be happy, may you be free from all suffering.
These are two BIGGIES for me. Yeah, big fan of food, really big fan of sleep. I'll be honest with you, I can sleep my ass off. And that is exactly what I did last night. In fact, I went to bed so early and slept so hard that I neglected my daily entry last night. I woke up this morning and was like, "Oh, shit!!!" And I had lots to be grateful for too. I feel that way everyday. Even on not so terrific days, and I really believe it is the mindfulness about gratitude that keeps me in that mind set. Gratitude begets happiness, of this I am convinced.
So, if you are feeling tired, and you probably are, as people around the world in general, and Americans possibly more then anyone, are becoming more and more sleep deprived. If you feel like you can't FEEL your life anymore; that you are walking in a dim, hazy fog all the time, start getting more sleep and your "gratitude meter" will sky rocket. Get 8 hours at night, and if you can possibly incorporate a nap, even a few a week, just do it.
My motto is, "Do less, feel your life more." I would also say, "Sleep more, feel more."
And then there is food...in praise of food, I love this guy, Vitaly Geyman's, idea. Putting gratitude labels on your food for a few minutes before you eat it. It brings a little mindfulness to the meal you are about to eat...and I think it may be art (at least the way this guy does it - he's a professional photographer- be sure to check out the rest of his site here.) Really beautiful stuff.
So, slap a sticker on an onion, and get some sleep people, ....zzzzz...I'll see you in the morning.
Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. – Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, Alchemical Wisdom
It's hard to let go of pain when your heart is breaking. Hard to see through grief and loss to a time when you can feel something other then the sharp edges of hurt, or the cold dullness that lingers when you can't hurt any more.
But, what about the day when there is a clear thin line of light on the horizon? When someone makes you laugh, really laugh, for the first time in forever? Or, the first time you find yourself enjoying a moment? Finding relief from the crushing weight of sadness is a relief, but it can also bring anxiety and guilt. Do I have the right to feel happy again? Who am I to enjoy this? What will I be when I am no longer defined by this grief, this depression?
Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain, wherever you are in the grieving process. Whatever loss you have suffered, remember that you deserve to be happy and free from suffering. Suffering is a normal and unavoidable part of life, but that does not mean that we need to prolong it, or use it as penance or punishment against ourselves.
Gratitude can create a window, an opening to the world outside of grief.
Embrace a moment of mindfulness now. Take a deep breath and look around you for one small thing that you can feel gratitude for. Take another breath, and breath in that thing, pull it deep inside you and let it fill the empty recesses with the grace and beauty of that one true thing.
L to R my brothers Richard and Christopher (who I am forever grateful for) and Me.
